Is It Love, Or Is It Attachment?
- Sukhdev Virdee
- Jun 7
- 3 min read
For a long time, I didn’t know the difference.
What I called love
was often a beautifully disguised form of fear.
Fear of losing.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of not being enough.
But it looked like love.
It said the right words.
It showed up at the right time.
It even felt divine.
But the more I clung to it,
the more I suffered.
Until something in me cracked open—
and I saw the Truth.
Attachment Feels Like Love—But Isn’t
Attachment says: I need you to be okay.
Love says: I want you to be free.
Attachment clings.
Love releases.
Attachment fears change.
Love welcomes the mystery.
Attachment wants control.
Love trusts the unfolding.
And here’s the hardest truth:
Most of us begin our spiritual path thinking we’re full of love…
when we’re full of subtle attachments.
To people.
To ideas.
To teachers.
Even to God.
The Pain of Possessiveness
When love becomes about ownership,
the sacred turns into suffering.
We don’t even realize we’ve turned love into a transaction:
I give you my love… if you give me what I want.
And when the other doesn’t play their part,
our pain screams out—
not because love is lost,
but because our expectation is unmet.
This is not the nature of real love.
It is the nature of ego dressed in devotion.
True love doesn’t hurt like that.
True love doesn’t shatter when it doesn’t get its way.
Love Without a Center
Real love has no “me” in it.
It is not mine.
It is not yours.
It is not even “between” us.
It is what remains when the “me” and “you” dissolve.
It radiates—without ownership, without reason.
It blesses the moment, then moves on.
Love is not something we do.
Love is what we are
when we stop trying to possess.
Unlearning Everything I Knew About Love
My heart had to break many times
before I realized that love isn’t supposed to break you.
It was my expectations that broke me.
My imagined future.
My silent demands.
My unspoken fears.
When all of that was stripped away,
what remained was simple…
A quiet joy.
A peace that didn’t depend on anyone else.
A tenderness for all beings,
even the ones who left.
That’s when I knew I had found it—
the kind of love that doesn’t need to be returned to remain real.
God's Love Leaves No Scar
We often project our human wounds onto the Divine.
We think God is like our partners—
temperamental, rewarding, punishing, needing.
But God’s love is not emotional.
It’s not warm one day and cold the next.
It doesn’t say, prove yourself.
God’s love is Reality itself.
It’s not something He gives you—
It’s what you are when you are no longer caught in “me” and “mine.”
In this love, there is no heartbreak.
Because there is no heart to break.
There is only fullness.
The Disappearance of the Lover and Beloved
The highest love does not hold on.
It dissolves all concepts—
even the idea of being a lover, or being loved.
It’s not a relationship.
It’s the disappearance of separation.
That’s why the mystics speak of union.
Not as a meeting between two—
but as the vanishing of twoness.
You no longer love another.
You are Love itself.
And in that Love, all things are held.
Nothing is outside.
Nothing is missing.
A Reflection for You
Are you loving,
or are you hoping to be filled?
Are you giving,
or are you quietly bargaining for something?
Are you allowing,
or are you secretly waiting to possess?
There’s no shame in discovering the answer.
In fact, it is the beginning of real freedom.
The more honest I became about the false love I had been offering,
the more space I found for the real one to arise.
Love Wants You Free
I write these words not to take love away from you—
but to give it back in its truest form.
A love without fear.
A love without a center.
A love without chains.
The kind of love that liberates both the lover and the beloved.
It is possible.
It is already here.
You don’t need to manufacture it.
Just peel away what it’s not.
Explore Deeper
This journey from attachment to Love is sacred.
But it can feel confusing and raw.
To support you in that unfolding:
📘 Begin with my free guide:
🧘♂️ Or explore my courses and 1:1 sessions
One insight can shift the way you love—forever.
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