Why Can’t I Let Go of Control?
- Sukhdev Virdee
- Jun 9
- 3 min read
Control is seductive.
It promises safety.
It gives the illusion of certainty.
It whispers, “If you just try harder, everything will align.”
And so, we grip.
We grip our emotions.
We grip our partners.
We grip our spiritual progress.
We even try to control awakening.
But what if I told you that this clenching is the very thing standing between you and freedom?
Control Comes From Fear
Control is always a response to fear.
Fear of loss.
Fear of pain.
Fear of dissolving.
The ego believes it must manage everything or else it will not survive.
And in a way, that’s true.
Because surrender is the death of the controller.
The one who lets go
doesn’t survive as a separate self.
They dissolve into what is.
The Illusion of the “Spiritual Doer”
I spent years trying to control my awakening.
I tried to meditate better.
Understand more.
Detach faster.
Suppress thoughts.
Monitor every emotion.
Perfect myself.
It was all control—
dressed up in spiritual clothing.
But every act of “trying to wake up” was confirming a false belief:
“I am the one doing this.”
That belief had to die
before I could rest in what is already awake.
Letting Go Feels Risky
The moment you consider loosening your grip,
another voice arises:
“But if I don’t control my life, won’t everything fall apart?”
The ego assumes it’s the one keeping things together.
But look honestly.
What did you truly control?
Did you choose your thoughts?
Your breath?
Your heartbeat?
The timing of your insights?
Or were these movements happening on their own—
within the space of Being?
You were never in control.
And thank God for that.
The Deepest Surrender Is Not a Doing
Many seekers ask me,
Sukhdev, how do I surrender?
But that’s the trap.
Even surrender becomes a strategy.
Another effort.
Another control.
But true surrender isn’t something you do.
It’s something that happens
when the controller is seen for what it is:
A frightened thought pattern.
A habit of mind.
Not who you are.
Control Is Tied to Identity
If you look closely,
you’ll see this:
We don’t want to let go of control
because we don’t want to let go of “me.”
Control and identity are intertwined.
Who am I if I don’t manage everything?
Who am I if I stop trying to be spiritual?
Who am I if I stop fixing, achieving, proving?
The answer isn’t what the mind expects.
You are not the fixer.
You are not the doer.
You are the space in which all doing arises.
And that space… needs no control.
Life Moves on Its Own
The sun rises.
The heart beats.
The body heals.
The trees grow.
The tides come and go.
Do you think your life is separate from this flow?
You are not the conductor.
You are the song itself.
And when you stop pretending to be the conductor,
you hear the music again.
It’s been playing all along.
How I Practice Letting Go
Not through force.
Not through techniques.
But through honesty.
When I catch myself controlling again,
I gently ask:
“Who is controlling this?”
I don’t seek an answer.
I just let the question dissolve the tension.
And in that moment—
there’s a softening.
A natural return to what’s always been here.
No drama.
No fireworks.
Just a quiet relaxation into Truth.
Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Giving Up
This isn’t passivity.
It’s deeper engagement.
It’s living without resistance.
Acting without ownership.
Serving without ego.
It’s Bhakti without bargaining.
It’s love without control.
The moment control drops,
clarity flows.
Wisdom moves.
Service arises.
Not from effort—
but from stillness.
An Invitation to Ease
I know letting go can feel impossible.
Especially when everything inside is screaming, “Hold on!”
But if even one part of you feels tired of gripping,
you are ready.
You don’t need to fix yourself.
You don’t need to perfect your surrender.
You only need to stop pretending
that you are the one holding the world together.
You never were.
You are the stillness beneath the world.
The Presence before all effort.
A Loving Nudge
If your hands are tired from holding too much—
if your soul aches for rest—
Come sit with me.
📘 You can start with my free guide:
🧘♂️ Or explore my courses and 1:1 guidance
for deeper surrender into who you already are.
Control was never your path to peace.
Letting go is.
Comments