I Want Awakening, But I’m Scared of Losing Myself

I hear this more than you’d expect.

“I want to awaken… but I’m scared.”

“Will I lose who I am?”

“Will I stop caring about life?”

“Will I become detached from everything I love?”

And I always begin with this:

You’re not afraid of awakening.

You’re afraid of what you think awakening will take from you.

Let’s look at that.

The Fear of Disappearing

On the surface, awakening seems like a beautiful promise—

peace, clarity, bliss.

But somewhere underneath…

a quiet panic whispers:

“What if I lose control?”

“What if I disappear?”

“What if everything I know as ‘me’ dies?”

And that fear is valid.

Because yes—

in one sense, awakening is the death of who you think you are.

But here’s the deeper truth:

You lose what was never truly you.

What dies is the false self:

the identity made of stories, fears, and expectations.

The role you’ve played for so long,

you forgot it was just a role.

What remains is untouched.

Vast.

Free.

Real.

You Don’t Lose Yourself — You Find the One Who Was Always Here

I used to think I was the singer, the performer, the artist.

I thought I was the voice, the body, the emotions.

And then one day, all of it dissolved.

Not through effort — but Grace.

There was a terrifying beauty in it.

Like a sky that suddenly opens…

and everything you thought was solid

turns to silence.

I didn’t vanish.

I expanded.

I didn’t lose myself.

I found what cannot be lost.

The self I feared losing was a mirage.

The Self that remained was eternal.

Awakening Doesn’t Remove You From Life — It Reveals Life As You

You don’t become numb.

You become deeply alive.

You don’t stop loving.

You love more freely, more fully—without conditions.

You don’t withdraw from the world.

You engage without ego.

Act without needing applause.

Love without needing ownership.

This is not disappearance.

This is intimacy with the whole of existence.

The Illusion of Safety

What most are really clinging to

is not selfhood—

but familiarity.

The ego prefers a prison it understands

over a freedom it cannot control.

But freedom was never meant to be controlled.

It was meant to be lived.

And at some point,

the ache to live from truth

becomes greater than the fear of what must die.

You Can’t Lose What You Truly Are

The real Self doesn’t come and go.

It was never born, and it can never die.

The part of you that’s afraid?

That’s the temporary self sensing its own impermanence.

Let it tremble.

Let it speak.

But don’t believe it.

Instead, listen to the silence behind it.

That’s you.

Always has been.

Ready to Begin Gently?

If you feel the pull toward awakening

but are scared to lose control—

that’s okay.

You don’t need to leap off a cliff.

You only need to take the next step in sincerity.

To support you, I offer private 1:1 sessions and guided online courses

that meet you exactly where you are.

This is not about forcing awakening.

It’s about uncovering what’s already here.

→ Explore my offerings here

For Those Standing at the Edge

I’ve written a free guide that gently reveals

what keeps you stuck in fear and illusion—

and what sets you free.

“The 5 Illusions That Keep You from Awakening — And The One Truth That Sets You Free”

It’s short. Direct. Honest.

👉 Download it here

Awakening is not a loss.

It is the greatest gain.

You lose nothing real—

and gain what can never be taken.

Trust the pull.

It’s Truth calling you back to Itself.