Why Am I Still Suffering After Awakening?
- Sukhdev Virdee
- Jun 18
- 3 min read
It happens more often than we think.
A seeker wakes up—
sees the truth of no-self,
touches the stillness of Presence,
realizes that all is Brahman…
…and yet
suffering doesn’t entirely vanish.
Old habits return.
Fear reappears.
Emotions overwhelm.
The “me” sneaks back in
through subtler doors.
And a silent question arises:
“I’ve seen the truth. So why am I still suffering?”
Let me answer that with compassion, honesty, and clarity.
Awakening Is Real… But Integration Is Lifelong
Yes, your awakening was real.
You glimpsed the infinite.
You saw behind the veil.
You knew, if only for a moment, that you are not the body-mind.
But awakening is not the end.
It’s the beginning.
It’s the seed.
Not yet the fruit.
What’s left is the quiet, steady, and often uncomfortable process of integration.
Old patterns of thought still echo.
The body retains impressions (vasanas).
The nervous system has been trained for decades to react, defend, contract.
Awakening reveals the sky.
Integration clears the clouds.
Pain Doesn’t End, But Suffering Can
Pain is natural.
It’s part of being in a human body.
There will still be heartbreak, loss, physical pain, fatigue.
But suffering arises when we identify with that pain.
When you say,
“I am hurt,”
“I am abandoned,”
“I am not enough”—
You’ve forgotten your Self.
Even post-awakening, identification can return.
It’s not failure.
It’s a call to deepen.
Each moment of suffering is an invitation:
Not to run or fix—
but to see through it again and again,
until only Seeing remains.
The Ego Doesn’t Die All at Once
There’s a myth that awakening destroys the ego instantly.
But in most cases, it dies in layers.
Like a snake shedding its skin,
you’ll watch old identities peel off.
Some gently.
Some with fire.
And some will come back in disguise—
as the “spiritual ego,”
as “I’m awakened now,”
or “I shouldn’t feel this anymore.”
Be vigilant.
True awakening remains humble.
It doesn’t claim enlightenment.
It dissolves into life quietly.
The Real Test Is In Daily Life
Realization on the meditation cushion is one thing.
But what happens when someone insults you?
When plans fall apart?
When anxiety floods your chest at 3am?
This is where the rubber meets the road.
Awakening must touch your relationships,
your money patterns,
your reactivity,
your shadow.
This isn’t a flaw in the path—
it is the path.
Don’t ask: “Why am I suffering again?”
Ask:
“What in me is still clinging?”
“Where am I still contracting?”
“Can I meet this with presence instead of resistance?”
God Is Not In a Hurry
You’re not late.
You're not stuck.
You're not broken.
The unfolding of awakening is orchestrated with divine precision.
Nothing is out of place.
Even your setbacks are sacred.
Even your regressions are teaching.
Stop measuring progress.
Stop comparing your journey.
Trust the rhythm of Grace.
The Importance of Ongoing Inquiry
Don’t stop inquiring just because you’ve had a glimpse.
Self-inquiry isn’t a practice you outgrow—
it’s the flame that keeps Truth alive in you.
When suffering returns, ask:
Who is feeling this?
Can I find the ‘I’ that is suffering?
What happens when I stop identifying?
Let each wave of discomfort become your next doorway.
Because awakening is not a memory.
It must become a living, breathing, embodied reality.
Let Grace Do the Heavy Lifting
You don’t have to fix yourself.
Just stay available.
Keep turning toward the light,
and the shadows will fall away on their own.
Let God, Truth, Consciousness—whatever you call it—
do the deeper work.
Your job is simply to remain sincere, open, and honest.
Even that is enough.
🌱 For Deeper Support
The 5 Illusions That Keep You from Awakening – And The One Truth That Sets You Free.
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