Why Do I Keep Forgetting Who I Am?
- Sukhdev Virdee
- Jun 8
- 3 min read
It happens quietly.
You have a glimpse—so clear, so vast.
You are Presence. Awareness.
Untouched.
And then…
You’re arguing with someone.
Chasing a desire.
Caught in restlessness.
The peace is gone.
The Self seems forgotten.
You wonder:
“Why do I keep falling back into the dream?”
Let me tell you something tender and real:
You never left.
You never can.
Only the mind went wandering.
The Nature of the Mind Is Movement
Thought is not the enemy.
It’s simply movement.
A wave on the ocean of your Being.
But when that wave says,
“I am separate. I need to become.”
the illusion begins.
It’s not that you truly forgot the Self—
it’s that attention got hypnotized.
That’s all forgetting is:
Misplaced attention.
Not a fall. Not a failure.
Just a return to identification.
No One Can Remain “Awake” All The Time
I used to judge myself harshly.
“How can I teach if I still lose myself?”
“How can I write if I still get angry or confused?”
But then I realized:
Even the idea of “remaining aware” is another trap.
There is no “someone” who must stay alert.
There is only Awareness itself,
noticing the play of remembering and forgetting.
The one who feels guilty for forgetting
is also part of the forgetting.
You Are Never the One Who Forgets
The moment you feel lost,
ask yourself:
Who is it that is lost?
Don’t answer mentally.
Just turn the attention back inward.
In that turning,
forgetting ends.
Not because you remembered something—
but because you stopped chasing the thought that said you were separate.
You are always the unchanging witness.
Even when the clouds cover the sky,
the sky is untouched.
The Pain of Re-Identification
Yes, it can hurt.
When you’ve seen your vastness,
going back to smallness feels unbearable.
The ego creeps in again:
“I should be beyond this.”
“This shouldn’t be happening to me.”
But that’s still ego.
The highest humility is to allow forgetting
without resistance.
Then even forgetting becomes a part of the teaching.
A reminder of what you are not.
There Is No “You” Who Awakens Permanently
You don’t reach a place where the ego disappears forever
and bliss fills every moment.
No.
What happens is subtler.
You stop believing the movements of the mind.
You stop taking them personally.
You don’t become some spiritual superhero.
You become transparent.
The me dissolves.
And with it, the fear of forgetting.
What Helps Me Return
There are moments when I feel entangled again.
My go-to isn’t to fight it—
it’s to pause.
To breathe.
To ask a simple, direct question:
“What is aware of this?”
Instantly, the energy drops back into stillness.
Not always dramatically.
Sometimes gently.
But always clearly.
Other times, I simply sit quietly.
No technique.
Just being.
Letting the dust settle on its own.
The Grace in Forgetting
What if even your forgetfulness is part of Grace?
What if every time you get caught in illusion,
it’s only to make your return deeper,
your surrender fuller?
I’ve learned to bless the moments when I lose sight of Truth.
Because they make me childlike again.
Dependent not on my strength,
but on the unseen Presence that carries me through.
That Presence is always here.
Whether you remember it or not.
Don’t Chase Constant Awareness
This is not a competition.
You don’t need to “stay in awareness” every second.
What matters is not how long you remember,
but how gently and honestly you return.
Make peace with forgetting.
Don’t fight it.
Don’t make it a story.
Simply return.
And return again.
Like waves to the shore.
Like breath to the body.
Like devotion to the Heart.
A Quiet Invitation
You are already That which never forgets.
But if your journey feels confusing or painful at times,
know this: you are not alone.
To support your walk home to Self:
📘 Download my free guide:
🧘♂️ Or join me for a course or 1:1 session
where we dissolve the idea of “me” that forgets.
Truth is not far.
It is always here.
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