Why Do I Still Feel Separate Even After Awakening?
- Sukhdev Virdee
- Jul 10
- 3 min read
You’ve touched it.
That clear, formless awareness.
That silence behind the mind.
That vastness which has no center.
You’ve seen through the identity,
felt the dissolving of “me,”
maybe even wept in the grace of it all.
And then… it returns.
The old habits.
The sense of self.
The feeling of being a person, separate from life.
You wonder:
“Did I lose it?”
“Was that not real?”
“Why does separation keep coming back?”
Let me offer this:
You did not lose the Self.
You simply began believing the mind again.
Awakening Is Not the End of Conditioning
Most seekers think awakening will erase all mental patterns.
But awakening is not a magical wipe of memory.
It is not the deletion of your human story.
It is the seeing through of it.
Like a dream you recognize while still dreaming.
The dream may continue—
but something in you knows it’s not real.
Old thoughts may arise:
“I’m not enough.”
“I must protect myself.”
“I am separate from others.”
But now you see:
These are just echoes.
Residual waves of a self that no longer holds center stage.
The Body-Mind Still Has Momentum
Imagine driving a car
and taking your foot off the accelerator.
The car doesn’t stop instantly.
It keeps moving for a while—out of momentum.
In the same way,
even after a glimpse of Truth,
the mind and nervous system still carry their old speed.
They continue to play out the identity of “me”
for a time.
This is not failure.
It’s just the body-mind doing what it’s always done.
But now, you’re not inside it.
You’re watching.
And with continued clarity,
the momentum begins to slow.
Don’t Chase a Perpetual State
This is a common trap:
Trying to return to a state you once had.
Maybe you were in deep stillness.
Maybe you felt a vast openness for days.
Maybe your thoughts disappeared and bliss took over.
And now, you want it back.
But that desire
comes from the very identity
that awakening revealed as false.
Truth is not an experience.
Truth is what sees all experience come and go.
Even the feeling of separation
is just another wave
on the ocean of You.
Don’t try to get back to silence.
Be the One who notices
the longing to return.
That’s where freedom lives.
Separation Is a Thought Believed
Feel into this deeply:
Separation is not an actual condition.
It is a thought—believed.
A narrative:
“I am this body.”
“You are over there.”
“I must defend myself.”
But when seen clearly,
even this thought floats in the space of awareness.
Who is aware of the feeling of separation?
That Awareness…
has never been separate.
Not once.
It doesn’t need to get back to unity.
It is unity.
Always was.
Always will be.
Don’t Seek to Maintain Awakening — Just Stop Re-identifying
You don’t need to keep yourself awake.
You don’t need to struggle to stay clear.
You only need to stop picking up the old mask.
Each time the thought “I am separate” arises…
let it come.
And see it.
Just see it.
Let it be a cloud.
Don’t build a story around it.
Don’t fight it.
Don’t fix it.
Just remain the open sky.
Eventually,
the habit of reaching for the mask
will dissolve in the light of your seeing.
The Truth Never Leaves You
The Self cannot be lost.
Only forgotten.
And even the forgetting happens
within the space of Truth.
So be gentle with yourself.
These waves of separation—
they are not wrong.
They are part of the great dance
of returning Home again and again
until even the idea of returning dissolves.
Then what’s left?
Only This.
What you are.
What you’ve always been.
Before the thought of separation ever appeared.
🌿 Keep Coming Home — Without Struggle
The 5 Illusions That Keep You from Awakening – And The One Truth That Sets You Free.
Let it gently expose the roots of perceived separation.
If you’re ready to stop trying to “stay awakened” and just be, I’d be honored to walk with you.
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